My Name is Earl (J. Woods)

Fellowship

2012-01-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went out for drinks with some colleagues and ex-colleagues - friends, really - and as we bantered about shared workplace traumas of the past, I felt myself realizing that I don't do this sort of thing nearly enough. I am solitary by nature and socializing with groups sometimes leaves me feeling a little drained. That's not a reflection on who I hang out with; it's simply the nature of consciously overcoming the convoluted mental landscape that occupies such a large percentage of my reality. I spend a lot of time in my own head, and interacting with the physical world takes more energy than it might for naturally gregarious people.

As a consequence, I've turned down a lot of opportunities to be social over the years - parties, BBQs, after-work drinks, that sort of thing. And yet when I make the conscious choice to go out and be social, I never regret it, because I value my friends tremendously and I enjoy hearing what's happening in their lives.

I'm not sure if I'm introverted or simply selfish with my time. But I hope my friends know that I treasure every second I've spent with them.

Well, maybe not that one time I got handcuffed into a shower stall.

Fire Dancer

2012-01-29T14:30:00.000-07:00

To celebrate our honeymoon in 2008, Sylvia and I attended a luau in Honolulu. I judged the food merely passable, but I was very impressed with the show, which featured traditional Polynesian music and dance. I crept up to the edge of the stage and took a couple dozen long-exposure shots of the dancers; this is probably the best of them. Without a tripod, it's tough to capture the kind of blur you want without everything turning to mush.

Gaze of the Gun

2012-01-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

I just watched Don Siegel's 1971 cop drama Dirty Harry for probably the sixth of seventh time. People have written a lot about this film's politics, its violence, the wave of vigilante films that were made in its bombastic, blood-streaked wake. I won't retread old ground, but I did notice something interesting for the first time today: Siegel doesn't use a lot of close-ups, but when he does, they're calculated to evoke rage and fear.

An early close-up comes through the cross-hairs of a sniper rifle as Scorpio claims his first victim, an innocent woman swimming in a rooftop pool. Later closeups focus on Dirty Harry's sneering, barely suppressed rage or the sweaty cowering of the criminals he captures. But by far the most powerful closeups are those zeroing in on Harry's .44 magnum. The gun looms like a spectre, filling the frame, the black bore a yawning mouth eager to spit death. It takes on the aspect of some technological monster, barely restrained by the hand of its master. The visual impact is shocking and scary, bringing the violence of the film right into your lap.

The film's right-wing politics may make liberals like me a little uncomfortable, but as art, choices like this made the film an enduring classic. I'm in awe of Don Siegel and his cinematographer Bruce Surtees. Their mastery of the art of film was on full display here.

Heck of a View, Pilgrim

2012-01-27T16:44:00.000-07:00

I find it astounding that even the least gifted photographers (people like me) can now take half-decent photographs thanks to today's superior lenses and digital technology. With this shot of Arizona's Grand Canyon, I was trying to capture the idea of layers - layers of stone, layers of sky. It looked like a giant cake to me at the time. Grand Canyon Nature Cake!

Is Alcatraz the next Lost?

2012-01-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

It's an unfair, silly question, of course; each television program, like any work of art, should be judged on its own merits. But millions of Lost fans, people like me, would dearly love to once again enjoy the experience Lost gave us for six years: a compelling mystery with engaging characters, a great central concept, sharp writing, superb acting, great music and excellent production values.

Now three episodes in, Alcatraz already possesses a few of these elements. It has a wonderful science-fiction premise: Alcatraz was never really shut down, rather, all its prisoners and guards vanished without a trace back in the 60s. Now, in 2012, they're beginning to reappear, aged not a day, and they're a dangerous menace being driven by as-yet-unrevealed masters to commit acts of crime and terror. A secret government organization has been formed to track down the time-travelling convicts. A spunky cop (Sarah Jones) and a professorial comic book nerd (Jorge Garcia) stumble upon the organization and join up, using their unique connections to Alcatraz to aid in the quest.

The show already has some connections to Lost: they share a composer (Michael Giacchino), an executive producer (JJ Abrams), an actor (Jorge Garcia). A mysterious island is of central importance to both shows.

Thus far, however, Alcatraz's central mystery and plot are not nearly as complex as Lost's. There are no smoke monsters, no strange voices, and only one credulity-stretching coincidence.

The creators must be aware of the inevitable comparisons, for in the third episode, ex-corrections officer and now head of the shadowy cabal tracking down the inmates, Emerson Hauser (Sam Neill), utters the most infamous, frustrating line delivered in Lost: "It's complicated." But Reyes' riposte is a clever inversion of the Lost trope: "No, it's not complicated."

And so far, it isn't. Each episode, the protagonists track down a bad guy who gets shipped to what I'm calling Alcatraz II, an underground prison built to hold the recaptured inmates. It's an entertaining good-vs-evil formula that's satisfying on its own merits. I'm hoping - and I'm sure that the creators are planning it - that the show's storytelling will evolve in complexity. Like Person of Interest, Alcatraz isn't a great show yet - it is, perhaps, not yet complicated enough - but one day it could be.

David Garrett: Rock Symphony

2012-01-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

Tonight Sylvia and I went to see German violinist David Garrett and his band play with the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra at the Winspear. I suspect Sylvia's initial desire to attend was driven by Garrett's undeniable pulchritude, but his talent proved to equal or even surpass his looks. It was a fun, stirring, powerful performance.

Opening with Led Zepplin's "Kashmir" and closing with The Beatles' "Hey Jude," Garret and his band filled the evening with covers of popular rock and classical tunes intermixed with a pair of the band's own original pieces, including the titular, powerful "Rock Symphony" and the tongue-in-cheek homage "80s Anthem." Garret's interpretations of Bach, Beethoven, Nirvana, Paul McCartney & Wings and Guns 'N Roses were all familiar yet new, each given Garrett's virtuoso touch. The man plays a mean fiddle, and his stage persona is utterly disarming: self-effacing, humble, playful, warm. I was particularly thrilled when he led the orchestra in a stirring rendition of "Swords Crossed," one of my favourite tracks from the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack.

Though the performance was superb, I found myself distracted by the videographers, one carrying a handheld, the other using a crane; several other cameras were invisible to me. I doubt anyone else noticed them, but as a student of film and television I found it fascinating to study the director's editing choices as he switched from camera to camera, fading between a half-dozen angles, working in concert with the camera operators to ensure that the large video screens were never too static. It became a bit of a game to predict which shot would follow which: crane, centre stage, handheld, centre stage, crane panning over orchestra, stage left, handheld, pan again, etc. I assume only one or two other people found this sort of thing interesting, focussing properly on the performance.

In any event, it was a wonderful show and another superb evening at the Winspear Centre. Edmontonians are lucky to have such a wonderful facility and a world-class orchestra.

Outlaws

2012-01-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

Back in 1997, I picked up the latest game from the once-great studio LucasArts: Outlaws. A first-person shooter set in the wild west with astounding Morricone-esque music from Clint Bajakian and voice acting by John DeLancie and other luminaries, Outlaws offered a classic western story, nail-biting action, great level design, superb graphics for the era and most important of all, compelling gameplay.

As a lawman searching for his kidnapped daughter, your goal is to pursue outlaw gangs across trains, through frontier towns, across canyons, over rivers, through caves and sawmills. With guns, knives or dynamite (my favourite), you faced bloodthirsty foes with great AI. Prequel missions and multiplayer offered extra value after completion of the main quest. I still remember when Allan Sampson and I hooked up via modem for an evening of Outlaws, chasing each other through a map consisting of a bunch of bunkers surrounding a tall tower with crates of dynamite at the top. At one moment, we arrived at the tower's top level simultaneously, each of us grabbing a stick of dynamite and flinging it at the other. Twin explosions blew both of us backward out the tower windows, and there was much laughter echoing through our bachelor pads.

LucasArts, if you're listening, I would purchase a sequel to Outlaws in a heartbeat. (I still listen to the soundtrack, which came on an extra CD with the game!) For that matter, an updated Tie Fighter would be nice too.

Neil Mackie Deconstructs Political Ads

2012-01-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

My friend Neil has started a new blog, one that analyzes political ads. His latest post reviews a Newt Gingrich attack ad on Mitt Romney, with abortion as its thorny centrepiece. As a communications professional, Neil offers some pretty interesting and insightful commentary, and I hope he expands the scope of his analysis beyond the USA. The website is called Greetings from Poplar Bay, and I encourage anyone interested in politics or marketing to check it out.

The Dice of Doom

2012-01-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

Last night, during a frenzied session of Dungeons & Dragons, Jeff was locked in battle with a hyena. His character, an elf ranger, has sufficient skill to fight with a sword in each hand; thus, rather than rolling one 20-sided die to attack, Jeff rolls two.

Rolling a twenty on the die means your character has scored a "critical hit" on his or her opponent, dealing your weapon's maximum possible damage. Rolling a twenty is rare enough - a five percent chance on any given roll of the die - but as seen above, Jeff managed to roll double twenties, dealing out 57 points of damage in one attack and essentially carving the hyena into gory giblets.

As we all ooohed and aaahed in amazement, the question of odds came up - how likely was such a roll? I missed much of Mike's explanation in all the clamor, but it boiled down to something like this:

"It's not really that unlikely...should probably happen once every, oh, [some number of] sessions or so...um, so yeah, probably once every ten years."

It was certainly the most improbably roll I've seen since one memorable event in high school. Vern Ryan was serving as DM while Jeff, Paul and I were on the run from assassins or some similar doom. Things looked pretty bad - our party had messed up pretty profoundly, and our deaths were pretty much inevitable. We were out of options, so in desperation I called upon my character's deity.

"Fine," Vern said, rolling his eyes. "If you roll a one on percentile dice, the goddess will hear your plea and save you."

A one percent chance of salvation! Palms sweating, I rolled - and the dice came up 01. Saved! Vern was appalled, but the rest of us laughed our heads off. Geek drama!

Person of Interest

2012-01-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

"The government has a secret system - a machine that spies on you every hour of every day. I know because I built it. I designed the machine to detect act of terror but it sees everything - violent crimes involving ordinary people. People like you. Crimes the government considered...irrelevant. They wouldn't act so I decided I would. But I needed a partner...someone with the skills to intervene. Hunted by the authorities, we work in secret. You'll never find us. But victim or perpetrator, if your number's up, we'll find you."

So begins each episode of Person of Interest, now midway through its first season and the only new show of the 2011 season I'm bothering to follow. Created by Jonathan Nolan - brother to Chris Nolan of The Dark Knight and Inception fame - Person of Interest is a kind of police procedural with a post-911 twist: secretive billionaire Mr. Finch (the delightfully creepy Michael Emerson) uses the machine he built for the government to prevent crimes before they happen. Each episode the machine spits out a social insurance number, which Finch and his enforcer, John Reese (the often wooden but serviceable Jim Caviezel) use to identify the victim - or perhaps the perpetrator. They don't know which the "person of interest" is until they investigate.

I started watching partly because of Nolan's pedigree and because the series is produced by Bad Robot, JJ Abrams' production company. At first I wasn't especially impressed. The show begins with pretty standard 21st century tropes: you have your emotionally wounded ex-mercenary with a dark past trying to atone for his sins, your socially awkward but brilliant tech guy, lots of shenanigans with hacking into computer systems and cell phones, gunplay, martial arts and all the other hoo-ha common to action/adventure shows.

But as a student of serialized drama, I've kept watching because sometimes visionary creators start off using standard formulas to secure a core mainstream audience, then increase the show's complexity once they have that base of viewers. My patience is slowly being rewarded as we learn more about the characters and the world they inhabit. Through flashbacks, we learn that Mr. Finch had a business partner, an idealist whose doom is heavily foreshadowed (and in fact made explicit in the most recent episode). Reese's character is given additional nuance, his plight made more sympathetic and believable as we discover how he was manipulated by his political masters. In a couple of episodes, our heroes guess wrong when it comes to determining the nature of the person of interest - victim or perpetrator. And they even fail a couple of times, the bad guy getting away.

Most exciting to me, however, are the subtle hints - usually embedded in computer graphics that flash by almost subliminally - that the machine itself acts to protect itself and may be developing sentience. Person of Interest is, currently, only marginally a science fiction show, extrapolating only in one sense, imagining even more public surveillance than we currently endure today. It is not yet a show about renegade artificial intelligences, and it may never be. But as a fan of SF and AI stories in particular, the creators have certainly hooked me for the duration.

The show is also starting to raise questions about the legitimacy of ubiquitous surveillance. In one flashback, Finch and his business partner have a discussion about the implications of the machine they're about to hand over to the government, and whether or not it's wise. In the end they hand over the machine, but not without turning it into a self-contained, uncrackable system with strictly limited powers of observation, answerable only to itself; even the men who created it can no longer manipulate it. All this is done rather matter-of-factly, but the story possibilities of such an act are tremendously tantalizing. And of course Finch and Reese invade privacy and break the law every week, their actions questioned only by the police detective who, in the early episodes at least, is trying to chase them down. She's recently been subverted to the cause, which may damage the ethical integrity of the show (such as it is); I hope that the creators will introduce another antagonist to replace her, because the leads really need to be reminded in real terms that the ends to not justify the means. This is a show about vigilantes, and I hope that at some point they'll get a karmic smackdown for their methods.

Larger debates aside, Person of Interest is becoming a good show. Not a great show - 85 percent of the writing remains formulaic - but a show of...interest. Emerson is fantastic, the production values are top notch, the premise solid, the potential for powerful themes just waiting to be fully tapped. I hope Nolan and his team grow bolder, because they could have a real gem on their hands.

With Eyebrows Arched

2012-01-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

The first time Sylvia and I went to Las Vegas, this distinctive McDonald's sign captured my attention - a difficult task on the Strip, with thousands of businesses and services clamouring for every eye and ear. With ironic whimsy, I arched an eyebrow, Spock-like, and shot this photograph. I wish the lower half of the frame weren't so cluttered - I should have moved closer to the arch for a better angle of the sky - but I still love the way the red, blue and yellow - primary colours! - work together. The designers of this McDonald's knew that even their universally known brand faced stiff competition from all the other attractions, and they certainly came up with a way to arrest pedestrians. (But if truth be known, we did not stop for lunch.)

Iconic Signage

2012-01-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

A friendly fellow tourist snapped this shot of me standing below the iconic "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign early on New Year's Eve. The shot hasn't been colour-corrected or otherwise fixed up, but if you click to embiggen you may notice something interesting: each letter in the word "Welcome" is affixed to a coin. I was already impressed by the sign's design, which perfectly captures and promises all the glitz and fun promised by the strip, but boy, that's attention to detail!

Hitler Reacts to SOPA

2012-01-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

Creativity like this is threatened by the USA's Stop Online Piracy Act. Reddit, Wikipedia and many other important sites are dark today in an effort to stop the bill (and its sister bill PIPA - Protect Intellectual Property Act), which if passed could have impacts on websites all over the world, not just in the United States. My blog in particular, focussing as it does on popular culture, could be seriously affected if these bills pass. If you're an American reader, I hope you'll contact your senator and congressman and urge them to block passage of both bills.

Colonizers of Catan

2012-01-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

Board Game Geek has announced that there will soon be a special Star Trek edition of Settlers of Catan. It'll be released in the spring, and I can guarantee that I'll be making a trip north to St. Albert's Mission Games to obtain a copy. Sure, it's the same game but with little Star Trek ships and space stations instead of wooden roads and houses, but I can pretend that I'm a hardy Federation colonizer of Sherman's Planet, growing quadrotriticale for the hungry masses.

Unicorn Klout

2012-01-16T18:54:00.002-07:00

About a month ago I started experimenting with Klout, an online tool that purports to measure your online influence. I signed up because social media is growing in importance to communications professionals, and I figured I'd better experiment. Based on my usage of Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, Instagram, YouTube and this blog, Klout seems to think that I'm influential about five topics, as seen below:

Media, sure, video, okay, politics, makes sense, Alberta, of course, and...unicorns???

To the best of my knowledge, I've never blogged, tweeted, facebooked, Instagrammed or youtubed about unicorns. But I wouldn't want Klout to be perceived as inaccurate, so here are some things I know about unicorns off the top of my head, without googling for extra knowledge:

Unicorns have been featured as important symbols in at least two of the films of Ridley Scott: Blade Runner and Legend.
The Irish Rovers crafted a hit single in the 1970s that explains why we see no unicorns today (they missed boarding Noah's Ark).
For a while Think Geek sold a pretty cool set of plush action figures featuring a unicorn and some gored humans.
If unicorns existed, they would probably make pretty fearsome cavalry mounts, what with the horn and all. I certainly wouldn't mess with one.
Despite their fearsome nature, women and girls seem to adore unicorns, if we believe certain gender stereotypes.

All right, can I legitimately claim to wield influence on the topic of unicorns now? No? All right, how about a movie proposal...

COMING IN 2014 FROM PARANOID PICTURES

UNICORN VS. PEGASUS

In the time of the Greek gods, demigods, titans and the mortals caught between them, two noble, fearsome beasts lifted the hearts of men with their magnificence:

UNICORN...mighty horned stallion of the deep woods, symbol of purity, wild and free, no terrestrial beast its match!

PEGASUS...astonishing winged steed of the skies, faster than the wind itself, proud and haughty, far removed from the earthbound woes of mortals!

In a time of great darkness, as the rivers and mountains tremble, the gods will pit these glorious beasts against one another!

SEE the UNICORN gore the skeleton army, smashing it to smithereens!

SEE the PEGASUS swoop down and crush the skull of the cyclops with its powerful hooves!

SEE mortals flee in terror as these unstoppable steeds clash in the streets and skies of Athens!

UNICORN VS. PEGASUS

Pegasus versus unicorn!

All right, let's see if that affects my Klout statistics.

Skulking Sean Stalks Smiling Sylvia

2012-01-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

Megacity Zero Point Five

2012-01-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

On December 31, Sylvia and I ventured to Las Vegas' newest megamillion-dollar development, City Centre. Situated at the midpoint of Las Vegas Boulevard, this massive shopping/dining/casino/hotel complex sports an extremely futuristic look that made me feel as though I'd stepped a decade or two ahead in time. The Aria Express tram seen here links the various sections of the complex. Here are some more views, shot from within the tinted blue glass of the tram:

Brian and Rick

2012-01-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

As I've noted in the past, the only constant in politics is change. This is especially true regarding political staffs. Today we at the Official Opposition said goodbye to outgoing Communications Director Brian Leadbetter (above) and Chief of Staff Rick Miller (below).

I've worked with Rick, in different capacities, since I started working for the Official Opposition back in January 2006. Rick is fair, compassionate, smart and generous, always willing to help others and fight for better government, which he's been doing for many years - long before we met. Rick has moved on so that he can focus his full attention on his campaign to serve once again as the MLA for Edmonton-Rutherford, and I hope that voters this spring take the opportunity to return this fine human being to office. He was a great MLA once, and I hope he will be again.

I've worked with Brian for a little less than a year, but during that short time I've been tremendously impressed with his professionalism, communications instincts, critical thinking, complete fearlessness, and above all, loyalty to his team. Brian was a real joy to work with, and I learned a great deal from his mentor-ship. His new employers are fortunate indeed to have him. Brian is also a great host and the snappiest dresser I've ever encountered, and I'll miss his insights and wry sense of humour.

Both these fine men deserve happiness and fulfillment, and I hope they find it as they begin new journeys. As they say in the movies, gentlemen, it's been a privilege serving with you. Excelsior!

Dark Sentinel

2012-01-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

This gnarled old tree overlooking the south rim of the Grand Canyon really caught my attention on New Year's Day, so I tried to snap a reasonably artistic photo. I'm not sure if I succeeded or not. It probably would have turned out better had I mounted a stepladder and shot from a higher angle to show more of the canyon itself. Alas...

Sylvia Meets the King

2012-01-11T20:07:00.000-07:00

While Sylvia and I visited downtown Las Vegas (Freemont Street, to be exact) on Boxing Day, we ran into Elvis himself, sadly reduced to posing for photos with tourists for tips. We were all shook up, uh-uh-huh.

The Future of Photography?

2012-01-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

Just before the holiday break, my friend Kyle told me about a new concept in cameras: the Lytro light field camera. Up until now, cameras have always focussed to a particular depth of field, but the Lytro uses new technology to capture "the entire light field, which is all the light traveling in every direction in every point in space," according to the company's website. In practical terms, this means, so the claim goes, that you can quickly whip out the camera, take a shot without the traditional delay to focus, and focus afterward - on any point in the frame. You can view some examples here; click on the portion of the image you want in focus.

I do wonder if there's a way to put the entire frame in focus, and how one goes about selecting their favourite version of each image - i.e., can you manipulate the photo and then save your preferred version as an ordinary .jpg? The website doesn't say. So far it seems as though the Lytro file format is meant for online sharing rather than archiving in your personal collection.

I've yet to see one of these cameras in action, and because of the questions above I'm certainly not going to buy one sight unseen, but I'd sure love a chance to play with one. At first glance, this looks like an important development.

The Coca-Cola Christmas Company

2012-01-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

For the last century or so, Coca-Cola has done a masterful job of insinuating itself into Christmas traditions. They appropriated and reshaped Santa Claus' iconography back in the 30s, and now they have these admittedly cool ornament-shaped bottles. I doubt they're hung on many trees (not while full, at least), but they certainly evoke the Christmas spirit. I hope whoever designed this bottle received a hefty bonus.

Blackened Cajun Strips: The Beginning

2012-01-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

Back when I was single, one of my favourite guilty pleasures was to go to Red Robin with a book and dine on their best dish, the blackened Cajun strips. Served in a basket with steak fries, the strips were make of chicken rolled in a blend of Cajun spices and blackened. I absolutely loved them, but about a decade ago or more, Red Robin took them off the menu, and they've been missing ever since.

If you search for "blackened Cajun strips Red Robin," the results are slim; if not for a few other complainers, you'd hardly know the item ever existed.

After their initial disappearance, the strips did return for a brief time, but since their second removal from the menu they haven't been seen since, and I despair that they'll ever return. This means that I must learn how to create this item myself - a daunting proposition, since I loathe cooking. But I'll give it a try. In the near future, I'll find the recipe, ingredients and tools necessary to make my own blackened Cajun strips, and I'll share the results here.

MSTie Mints

2012-01-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

Fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 are known as MSTies. Misty Mints are a popular Christmastime confection. So this seemed perfectly reasonable...

Gypsy's pose reminds me of the time my friend Susan had a few too many Misty Mints and wound up vomiting them into the bathtub. Poor Susan.

100 Books a Year: Final Count

2012-01-06T21:00:00.001-07:00

As noted last February, I decided to follow the lead of a couple of friends and see if I typically read 100 books a year. First, here are the books I've read since my last updates:

Ready Player One (Ernest Cline, 2011): See my review here.
Infernal Devices (K.W. Jeter, 1987): An early steampunk novel and worth reading to see the first appearance of several of the genre's tropes.
He Walked Among Us (Norman Spinrad, 2009): Black comedy about a possibly insane, possibly prophetic TV host. Spinrad pokes a lot of fun at science fiction fandom and himself, weaving in quite a bit of his own personal history in clever ways.
Cryoburn (Lois McMaster Bujold, 2010): The final (so far) Vorkosigan novel, in which Miles unravels an intriguing mystery.
How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe (Charles Yu, 2010): Metafictional odyssey of the author's search for his time-lost father.
11/22/63 (Stephen King, 2011): See my review here.
Dark Messiah (Martin Caidin, 1990): Baffling sequel to the equally terrible The Messiah Stone. An aggravating waste of time.
The Curse of Chalion (Lois McMaster Bujold, 2001): I enjoyed Bujold's SF so much, I thought I'd try her fantasy work, and she doesn't disappoint. As always, the strength of her characters sustains her work.
Paladin of Souls (Lois McMaster Bujold, 2003): Sequel to The Curse of Chalion, even better than the original.
The World Inside (Robert Silverberg, 1971): Old-school SF that builds a premise and plot by extrapolating present-day trends, in this case, overpopulation. Most humans - tens of billions of them - live in gigantic skyscrapers in a free-love free-for-all in which having children means everything.
The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow Plus...(Cory Doctorow, 2011): I haven't read much Doctorow, an SF writer and Internet personality, but I've certainly enjoyed what I've sampled so far, including this short volume that includes the title novella and some non-fiction writing on current issues.
The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1925): I've foolishly put this one off for decades only to discover there's a reason this is called one of the great novels. I found it surprisingly readable despite its thematic complexity. One of the great narrative voices.
The Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Volume Two B (Ben Bova, editor, 1973): Excellent collection of some of the best early SF novellas, though some of the stories seem a little overbaked now.
The Complete Peanuts, 1975 to 1976 (Charles M. Schulz)
The Complete Peanuts, 1977 to 1978 (Charles M. Schulz)
The Complete Peanuts, 1979 to 1980 (Charles M. Schulz)
The Complete Peanuts, 1981 to 1982 (Charles M. Schulz): Schulz' genius will endure, if there's any justice, for centuries. Sublime.
The Bridge of San Luis Rey (Thornton Wilder, 1927): Tremendously beautiful book with lyrical prose and timeless themes.
For Your Eyes Only (Ian Fleming, 1960)
Thunderball (Ian Fleming, 1961)
The Spy Who Loved Me (Ian Fleming, 1962)
On Her Majesty's Secret Service (Ian Fleming, 1963)
You Only Live Twice (Ian Fleming, 1964)
The Man With the Golden Gun (Ian Fleming, 1965)
Octopussy and The Living Daylights (Ian Fleming, 1966): What a pleasure to finally explore the literary Bond. I remain a fan of the films, even the worst of them, for their hyperbolic charms; the same, I find, is true of the books, which feature a more vulnerable, more human protagonist, much more grounded in reality. Intentionally or not, Fleming's Bond novels and anthologies wind up forming a very satisfying arc for the lead character and his adventures, though perhaps the denouement doesn't quite measure up to the bulk of the series - if only because Fleming died before completing the final draft of the final novel.
Once Upon a Time in the North (Philip Pullman, 2008): A prequel of sorts to Pullman's more famous His Dark Materials trilogy. The story itself is fun, but what really sets this book apart is its physical charm; its beautifully illustrated and comes packaged with a whimsical board game.
Flatland - A Romance of Many Dimensions (Edwin A. Abbott, 1884): I've been aware of this book's general concept since junior high, but only this year did I crack open this slim, satiric volume; it's as much a commentary on class and Abbott's political surroundings at the time as it is a treatise on physics.

That's 27 books. Combined with my previous tally of 52, that means I read only 79 books this year, considerably short of my stated goal. Still, it was a useful exercise, and I'll continue to track my reading again this year to see if 2011was simply an off-year for me, or if my reading really has slowed down in middle age.

Up and Running

2012-01-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

I picked up a new computer today - a Sony VAIO, a brand I've had good luck with in the past - so posts should become more substantial soon. The tech guy thinks he can save my photos and documents from the old computer, so, ultimate disaster averted. I'm grateful.

Today I'm reinstalling all my software and attending to all the other assorted tedium that accompanies a computer upgrade/replacement.

Breaking Bad

2012-01-04T23:43:00.001-07:00

I've just finished season two, and I'm awestruck. This show is so much more than I thought it would be.

The South Rim

2012-01-03T14:34:00.002-07:00

My computer is still inoperable, so I'm reduced to blogging from my phone; convenient, but cumbersome. Posts will be short and sweet until I'm up and running again.

Tony on Salt Lake City

2012-01-02T09:21:00.002-07:00

It's unfair, but whenever I find myself in Salt Lake City, I remember my first passage through it via Interstate 15. 15 young people crammed into a 15-person van en route to Los Angeles in 1992 surveyed the wastelands bracketing the highway, including such charming urban design as a prison built across the street from a watermark, doubtless to taunt the prisoners. Tony Longworth summed it up best:

"Look at all the horses, dying in the mire!"

The Grand Canyon

2012-01-01T23:57:00.001-07:00

Resolutions

2011-12-31T15:02:00.002-07:00

About a year and a half ago, my friend Amanda mentioned a study she'd heard about claiming that resolutions stood a better chance of being completed if they weren't talked about. So a year ago today, I silently resolved to blog once a day during 2011. With this post, I have completed that goal, despite the interruptions of three long-distance trips.

Not every post was a heartbreaking work of staggering genius, but I think a few entries were worthwhile. When I have access to a computer again, I'll post a list of my favorites.

Since I started posting daily, traffic to this blog has increased dramatically, and I'm grateful to every reader who has stopped by. Thank you for spending some time here, and thanks especially to those who have left comments - many of which are funnier or more insightful than anything I've written here.

Happy New Year, and may you and yours enjoy peace, prosperity, health and happiness in 2012.

The Work of Vacations

2011-12-30T15:51:00.001-07:00

Astounding how time off work can often be just as exhausting as time on the job. Thank goodness we have some time at home to recuperate.

Carrot Top

2011-12-29T17:11:00.022-07:00

When Sylvia suggested we see Carrot Top while in Las Vegas, I groaned a little. My impressions of the famously red-headed comic were mostly negative, gleaned from, I must admit, only a tiny helping of cultural osmosis. I pushed for Zumanity, but when we earned tickets to Carrot Top (and $50 in meals) at the Luxor, I knew the fix was in.

Before the show, we enjoyed some pretty good Mexican food at T&T (Tacos & Tequila, not "Tits & Tequila" as Sylvia lewdly assumed). Sylvia downed a pair of pomegranite margaritas in quick succession and was feeling a little under the weather by the time we were escorted to our excellent third-row centre seats. We wound up sitting next to Vinnie Paul and his band, which would become significant later.

Carrot Top is a prop comic. His stage is a simple affair, just a bare backdrop and several large chests containing his self-constructed props. To my surprise, I found Carrot Top's act not only hilarious, but also warm, honest and self-effacing; he really seems to genuinely appreciate his audience.

Near the end of the show, Carrot Top noted Paul's presence and came over to hand out whiskey shots. Because of our proximity, the comic offered Sylvia and I libations. I passed, but Sylvia took the offered booze with great enthusiasm, the act washing away her nausea: "I love you, Carrot Top!" "Aw, I love you too, sweetheart!" Very kind.

As much as I enjoyed myself, my greatest pleasure came from Sylvia's delight at the comic's clever antics. And no wonder she loved it; it was a legitimately great show. Highly recommended.

Hoover Dam

2011-12-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

Constructed in the 1930s, the Hoover Dam is an engineering marvel that must be seen with the naked eye to be fully appreciated. The dam has earned a prominent place in popular culture, tripling the thrill of seeing it close up; I watched Superman save it on film in 1978, built it as a virtual dictator in the Civilization games, and most recently visited it in Fallout: New Vegas. (The Fallout Hoover Dam is more accurate than I would have imagined!)

Here are some photos (pending):

Time Shared, Time Stolen

2011-12-27T20:20:00.001-07:00

Today Sylvia and I found ourselves trapped in a time share presentation. What seemed at first an invitation to brunch turned into a pretty intense sales pitch - one that lasted four hours, mainly because we're too darn polite.

Now, that being said, the folks making the pitch were very professional and we never felt unduly pressured. They were, however, extremely persistent and even convincing; the time-share option seems, on the surface, a reasonable way to save money on vacations...if you take a lot of vacations, that is.

Once we made it clear we weren't interested, the time-share folks gave us tickets to Carrot Top and a $50 meal voucher. We shall soon discover if the price of admission was worth the time...

Sent from my iPhone

Rime of the Addled Consumer

2011-12-26T18:00:00.001-07:00

They call it Boxing Day, but in these conservative times perhaps the annual festival of consumerism should be renamed Ultimate Fighting Day. Oh, we're all polite enough, crammed together in malls air-conditioned to the freezing point, bumping and jostling with strained smiles that don't touch the eyes, but how we all wish we had the stores to ourselves.

Hours later we escape, bags laden with half-price treasures that we'll cherish for a year or two or five if we've made a particularly good choice. We collapse exhausted by the binge, bloated with luxury, sated for another year. But the cravings will return, dooming us all.

Sent from my iPhone

Desert Xmas

2011-12-25T14:42:00.001-07:00

The streets are quiet, but inside the gilt towers of marble and glass the hopeful ones feed their hungry masters-of-the-moment. Others queue for festive buffets, bemoaning the wasted hours in line. The tourist cameras flash futilely in the neon gloom, capturing only bright formless blurs. We glide among them, unnoticed, carefree, with no agenda.

Outside, the air is crisp, the skies clear, the sands quiet. Santa has come and gone, and the desert sleeps.

Sent from my iPhone

Script Fragment

2011-12-24T08:24:00.001-07:00

While on the road yesterday, Sylvia and I felt the call of nature. I sped up a little in search of relief. It occurred to me that if a police officer pulled us over for speeding, the conversation might go like this:

"Sir, you're 15 kph over the limit."

"I know, I'm so sorry. My wife and I really need to pee..."

"Sir, what's worse; peeing your pants or killing yourselves in a car crash?"

"You're right, of course. You'd be dead and you'd probably pee and poo yourself anyway."

Sent from my iPhone

Merry Christmas from Raj Sherman

2011-12-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

While I make my living as a writer, I must say I've enjoyed producing videos such as the one above for the Official Opposition over the years. My main contributions have been writing and directing; I leave the editing, acting and cinematography to more competent folks. Still, I was playing with iMovie yesterday while working on another project for the Official Opposition, and I must say I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. One day I may even attain the status of "amateurish, but workable."

Oh, and Happy Holidays.

Review: Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol

2011-12-22T12:30:00.003-07:00

Famed Iron Giant director Brad Bird has crafted the best action film of the year, Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol, a fast-paced thriller featuring impressively staged stunts, self-aware but never self-parodying humour, excellent performances and a surprising emotional core.

Impossible Missions Force (IMF) agent Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is languishing in a Russian prison when a team of IMF agents bust him out to lead a crucial new mission: stop a maniac from stealing the materials necessary to precipitate a nuclear holocaust. The team's initial job goes awry and the IMF is blamed for the partial destruction of the Kremlin, leading the Secretary to initiate "Ghost Protocol," the disavowal of the entire IMF. With meagre resources and a small team of three additional agents, Ethan Hunt is on the run from the Russians while pursuing a madman with his finger on the nuclear trigger.

The film's setpieces are divided geographically: Budapest, Moscow, Dubai, Mumbai. Each sub-mission puts IMF agents through their paces; there's exciting derring-do with all the requisite gunfire, leaps, car chases and explosions one could ever ask for. All the action is staged with clarity, suspense and surprising verisimilitude. At the film's midpoint, Cruise's Ethan Hunt is forced to free-climb the glass-walled outside of the towering Burj Dubai hotel. The entire sequence is bone-chilling in its effectiveness, and my palms were covered in sweat before the scene was even halfway over. If viewed in IMAX, this scene alone is worth the price of admission.

The film's true strenghth, however, lies in its characters - not just Ethan Hunt, but his team. Each member - William Brandt (Jeremy Renner), Benji Dunn (Simon Pegg) and Jane Carter (Paula Patton) - has their own character arc, enabling the audience to invest in each of them. In the best action films, we're given reason to care about what happens to the protagonists; otherwise, all we have is a series of empty explosions without emotional resonance. Ghost Protocol gives us reason to care.

I appreciated Ghost Protocol all the more because this is not a cynical film. Characters muse out loud about the unrealistic situations they're thrust into, but there's not a hint of self-mockery; the fourth wall is peered through with some curiosity, but never shattered. Rather, the characters seem bemusedly delighted to inhabit their hyperkinetic world. And they look after each other, working as a team, forming genuine bonds of friendship under trying circumstances. The heroes here are well worth emulating: they're empathetic, intelligent, decisive but never rash. And while the film has its share of high-tech gadgets, in the end it is the qualities of the agents themselves that lead to their ultimate success; indeed, this is an important sub-theme of the film.

Unlike many modern films, Ghost Protocol features a real denoument, a chance for the audience to catch their breath after the climax, wrap up a couple of character subplots and summarize the film's themes. It's a welcome respite, one that promises more adventures with this group of agents. I certainly hope Bird, Cruise and their team will return for more missions, since this was the best M:I film by far. Light the fuse!

Quantum of Songstress

2011-12-21T12:30:00.040-07:00

This year I've been reading Ian Fleming's original James Bond novels, and a couple of weeks ago I finished For Your Eyes Only, one of two Bond anthologies. This one features "Quantum of Solace," a short story about love, betrayal and cold revenge. Atypically, this isn't an espionage story; Bond, desperately bored during an obligatory diplomatic function, winds up conversing with a man who explains his theory of human relations by way of telling a story about a broken marriage. Bond is fascinated, and by the tale's end he realizes that everyday human drama is far more compelling than his own empty life of intrigue. I've been pleasantly surprised by the literary Bond, and "Quantum of Solace" may be my favourite Bond adventure so far.

Reading "Quantum of Solace" reminded me of the last Bond film, Quantum of Solace, which has only a tangential, metaphorical connection to the short story the film is named for. As a fan of the film (and all Bond films), I watched the opening sequence again, seen below:

While I believe Alicia Keys is a talented artist, her Bond song leaves me a little cold, especially compared to the note-perfect "You Know My Name" from the previous Bond film, Casino Royale. But thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I discovered a rejected theme for Quantum of Solace, one I feel would have served the film better. I can't embed this one, but I urge Bond fans to view the video here.

The producers rejected this latter theme, but I think Eva Almer's powerful, operatic ballad far more Bond-esque than Keys' effort, with the soaring, bombastic, exciting yet somehow mournful sound of the best Bond tunes. And for extra bonus points, "quantum of solace" is used as a lyric without sounding forced - an impressive feat all on its own. I wish the filmmakers had chosen it.

The Pipes, the Pipes!

2011-12-20T18:11:00.000-07:00

For several weeks now our pipes have groaned in protest whenever flushing a toilet or turning on a tap. My research indicates that we may be suffering from the dreaded "noisy pipes" problem, and rather than call in an expert, I'm currently attempting that most foolhardy of tasks: attempting to fix the problem myself. A hasty Internet search suggests that I turn on every tap in the house, including the washing machine and outside spigot, and flush every toilet to clear air out of the pipes. Will this work? I have no idea, but it can't be helping my water bill...

Oh, early boy...the pipes, the pipes are honking...

Replicator Dreams

2011-12-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

A mournful text conversation from a couple of weeks back. On the Enterprise-D, this conversation would make no sense at all.

11:20:36

2011-12-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

The Legislature Annex is full of these clocks. Have they faithfully kept track of time since the 1970s? The design would seem to imply thus.

11:20:36 is one in a long but finite string of hectic seconds when the Alberta Legislature is in session. This is when MLAs, researchers and communications staff prepare questions, private member's statements, ministerial statements, responses to ministerial statements, scripts for introductions, press releases, media statements and more. MLAs head into the house at 1:30, and only then can staff take a moment to inhale a sandwich or a cup of coffee. Those of us who have the time turn on our televisions and watch the MLAs perform. And then we carry on with the afternoon's business and prepare to do it all again the next day.

The Alberta Legislature won't convene again until sometime in February. Time will flow a little more slowly until then.

Death to Frosty

2011-12-17T22:42:00.001-07:00

Tonight the Woods and Boucher families gathered for an early festive meal. Unfortunately whenever the Woods brothers get together, there's bound to be some juvenile mischief.

Sean brought a delightfully appropriate chocolate cake, which he purchased at the farmer's market.

Sean gave Frosty a special spot at the table.

But then...!

Don't get between Sean and dessert.

Rajey

2011-12-16T11:35:00.001-07:00

Every year, the Alberta Legislature press gallery and each caucus creates an amusing, self-depcrecating video for the press gallery Christmas party. Here's the Official Opposition's 2011 video, a Rocky parody that tells the story of Raj Sherman's unlikely trajectory from Tory backbencer to Leader of the Official Opposition.

All the videos were fun this year, and daveberta has posted the Godzilla-themed Alberta NDP video here.

Photoshop Alone...

2011-12-15T16:58:00.002-07:00

Progress Quest Progress

2011-12-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

After two days, Earl the Demicanadian Hunter Strangler has slain enough foes to reach Level 11. His stats have increased, he knows more spells, has acquired better armour, and yet still he must perform menial tasks such as "fetch me a twig."

At this point I suppose Earl has killed hundreds of sentient beings. Oh sure, in his world they're doubtless labelled "evil," but surely all this spilled blood must weigh on his conscience. What does he have to show for this wholesale slaughter? A few spells? Some gold? A fancier weapon, useful only for killing more creatures?

It's almost as though the game is trying to make a point about futility or something. I'll be back tomorrow, after I fetch a twig...

Rodin Considers Rodan

2011-12-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes wonderful ideas arise in dreams. Last night, I dreamed of Auguste Rodin's "The Thinker" sculpture on a hilltop overlooking a ravaged Tokyo, under assault from Rodan, the famous mutant winged dinosaur. I smiled to myself in my sleep as I contemplated what a wonderful blog post I would write today - or rather, paint; I envisioned presenting a fresh new painterly masterpiece to the world melding two of the twentieth century's touchstones of popular culture. And it would have been a combination of Japanese and European approaches! Magnificent!

Alas, I cannot paint. I can only ask you to imagine what The Thinker may have been thinking as Rodan swept across Tokyo, shattering buildings and sending citizens fleeing in panic. His stony contemplation would have served as ironic counterpoint to the chaos below...or so I hope.

Progress Quest

2011-12-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

Regular readers will know that I enjoy role-playing games of all kinds, from improv to pen-and-paper RPGs to computer games such as Fallout. If these kinds of games (except, perhaps, improv) have one weakness, it's the level grind. Even the best role-playing games often feature repetitive quests: go to this place, kill this monster, retrieve this object.

Tonight I stumbled upon Progress Quest, a browser-playable "game" that takes RPGs to the next logical step: it does all the work for you. Here, I'll demonstrate:

Progress Quest offers a generous selection of species and classes. I chose to start my quest as a Demicanadian Hunter Strangler, though I was also tempted to play as an Enchanted Motorcycle Fighter/Organist. On the right are your character's six primary characteristics: Strength, Constitution, Dexterity, Intelligence, Wisdom and Charisma. Naturally I pressed the "Roll" button until I achieved the highest stats possible, though strictly speaking this is rather unsportsmanlike. Still, with a new game I wasn't going to take any chances.

Here's my character sheet. At the top left, my name, race, class and level; below that, my stats; below that, my experience earned and my (currently empty) spellbook. At right, my inventory: a sharp rock, a -3 burlap hauberk, and nothing more, not even a solitary gold coin. Naked came the stranger...

Note the green bar on the lower edge of the character sheet. It's a progress bar, scrolling to the right as things happen to your character. This is the genius of Progress Quest; it takes all the work out of role-playing, telling you everything that happens as you watch the progress bar crawl from left to right.

As the progress bar moves inexorably forward, Earl the Hunter Strangler uses his sharp rock to kill a shadow, a cub scout and Mrs. Opprog the half-orc, collecting treasure from each foe slain. Note that this begins my first quest: Placate the Unicorns.

The slaughter continues. Note that my experience progress bar, at middle left, is slowly growing.

As you gather treasure (and body parts), your encumbrance grows.

Fortunately, once you can carry no more, the game escorts you back to the market, where you can exchange your blood-soaked goods for gold.

The game has also informed me that I've placated the unicorns and now I must exterminate the berzerkers. And along the way I seem to have added the "Good Move" spell - whatever that may do - to my spell book.

At last I've earned enough gold to buy better gear.

Now I'm better armoured, with -1 Torn Corroded Leathers and a Lace Helm. How very fetching that must look.

Of course Progress Quest is more of a barbed joke than a game, but it's amusing enough. I think I'll leave the game running for a while to see what happens when Earl the Demicanadian earns enough experience to level up...

The Geek's Metaphor

2011-12-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

Last night I joined some friends at Stephen and Audrey's place for our semi-regular Dungeons & Dragons night. Today, while cleaning house, I considered how the game mechanics of D&D could be applied to real life. For example, after ten years of practise writing professionally, I suppose one could say I've wound up as a Level 10 Writer, or maybe a Level 8 Communicator, with specialized skills in Writing, Graphic Design, Photography etc. at different skill levels. Today, I changed a couple of light bulbs and helped Sylvia scrub away some stray glue on the floor with turpentine, possibly earning ten or twenty experience points (XP) in my Handyman skill.

Unfortunately, I slipped and fell to my hands and knees pretty hard after stepping in a wet spot, earning bruises on my knees and wrenching the muscles in my arms, possibly taking between 1-4 Hit Points (HP) of damage. Fortunately, that small amount of Hit Points will heal fully with a night's rest, and I'll be back at full strength for tomorrow's battles. It's easier than fighting a Bronze Warder and two Renegade Tieflings, believe me.

Diamond Head

2011-12-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Sylvia and I travelled to Honolulu in 2008, and while out on a boat I photographed Diamond Head, the famous volcanic cone. Before this trip, I'd always been a little skeptical about Hawaii; judging only by advertising and popular culture, it had always seemed like an over hyped tourist trap to me. But once we landed, I realized immediately how beautiful the place really is. Our hotel featured an open-air restaurant overlooking the beach, and I loved sipping virgin strawberry daquiris while alternating between reading a book and watching the waves and the people, shore birds skittering around my feet and across my table.

Next time, I think we'll try Maui.

A Khan-ing Plan

2011-12-09T19:36:00.000-07:00

Ever since the release of 2009's Star Trek, fans have speculated that the sequel will feature genetically engineered supervillain Khan. Personally, I hope these speculations come to nothing, because we've seen Khan's story before, done to perfection; why retread old ground? Besides, future-Spock's presence in the new alternate timeline should mean that there's no excuse for the Enterprise to stumble upon the Botany Bay as it did before and unknowingly awaken Khan. Surely future-Spock has given alternate-Kirk a "dos and dont's" list:

1. Don't take Gary Mitchell and Elizabeth Dehner to the edge of the galaxy
2. There's a planet-killer at these coordinates. Destroy it by putting an unmanned starship on autopilot and set it to self-destruct in the machine's maw.
3. Don't beat yourself up over hesitating for a second before shooting at the cloud monster.

...etc. But surely the top of the list would feature one overriding command: when you run into the USS Botany Bay, don't awaken its passengers! Leave it alone.

Of course, that wouldn't make a very exciting story. So if the producers of the new film insist on using Khan, the best way to create drama would be to have future-Spock attempt to guide the young Enterprise crew to a better course of action. He might, for example, advise young Kirk to tow the Botany Bay to the nearest Starbase and, under heavy guard, put Khan and his followers on trial for their crimes against humanity. That would be the logical and ethical thing to do.

But what if, in attempting to avoid the mistakes of the past, Spock's interference leads to even greater catastrophe? Perhaps Kirk thinks that only a trial on Earth will suffice for one of humanity's greatest monsters. Perhaps, complacent in their knowledge of the (alternate) future, Kirk and company forget the first film's most important lesson: that everything has changed. Perhaps Khan and company escape custody and execute some kind of horrific terrorist plot - perhaps one that kills Kirk's mother and brother? The film could be called "The Wrath of Kirk," as Kirk seeks vengeance and future-Spock realizes, too late, that attempting to change the past has only made things worse. He might even tear up his "dos and dont's" list, swearing not to say another word about his knowledge of the future.

I suppose this might make an entertaining movie, especially if it inverts expectations about what a Khan-based film should be. But truly, I'd rather see a film that harkens back to the show's original concept: seeking out strange new worlds and new civilizations. It would be unfortunate if the new creative team started rehashing old material one sequel into the reboot...

Press Gallery Christmas Party

2011-12-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

I'm up late blogging tonight because I just returned from the annual Alberta Legislature Press Gallery Christmas Party. As noted a couple of posts ago, each caucus in the legislature, along with the press gallery, prepares a self-mocking video for the crowd's amusement, and I must say this year's batch of videos was uniformly entertaining, at least for this particular crowd: people who actually pay attention to provincial politics.

Here are some of images of my colleagues, past and present, who attended the event:

Alex and Raj

Kyle and Rick

Marcella, Stephanie, Jonathan and Melissa

Brian and John

Ashley

Teddy and Carmen

Karin, Kyle and John

John's signature gesture

Earl, Brian and John

A good time was had by all! Or so I assume. People laughed at the videos, anyway!

Unsafe in Any Direction

2011-12-07T19:08:00.000-07:00

Back in the days when I was young, my friends used to gently mock me for following the rules of the road so carefully. Unless by accident or emergency, I always obeyed the speed limit, waited a full three seconds at stop signs even if the roads were deserted, used my signal lights and drove defensively. I was a goody-two-shoes, and those habits remain to this day - though of course like any driver I've had my embarrassing moments of inattention and bad judgement.

But I've never done anything really crazy such as driving the wrong way on a one-way street, or driving down the wrong side of the road. But I have seen such reckless souls speeding right toward me.

On the first occasion, driving my Mom's borrowed 1982 Corolla, I was heading eastbound on Edmonton's Saskatchewan Drive on the north end of Old Strathcona. I took the hard U-turn that leads down Queen Elizabeth Park Drive, a winding, downhill, two-lane one-way street leading downtown. Shortly after making the turn, near the top of the hill, I encountered another vehicle. Its driver was grim-faced, his eyes fixed doggedly forward as if daring anyone to take issue with his driving. I didn't even wave to warn him of his error, for his expression made it clear that he just didn't care; he was heading up that hill the wrong way no matter what. Fortunately the road wasn't busy, and clearly cars had avoided him simply by switching to the other lane, but I still found it amazing that he'd driven the wrong way nearly for the entire length of the road. As he passed I glanced back over my shoulder to watch him round the corner I'd just navigated in the proper direction, and he disappeared from view.

I still wonder why that driver remained so committed to his course. If I read his expression correctly, he knew exactly what he was doing, and yet he persisted in endangering life and property. Was he suicidally despondent? Embarrassed but too proud to turn back? An uncaring psychopath? I'll never know.

On the second occasion, while driving a parts truck for Norwest Automotive, I was heading east on 61st avenue between 104th and 103rd streets. This time, an ancient woman in a weather-beaten sedan sped down the wrong side of the road, heading west in my lane. There was a pedestrian on the sidewalk to my right, but the opposite lane was clear so I veered into it to avoid a head-on collision. The woman drove blithely on, blissfully unaware that anything untoward had happened. She slowed down not a fraction.

On the first occasion, I was alarmed but bemused by my near-miss. The second time, I was enraged. But what could I do? In retrospect, I should have called the police and reported a dangerous driver, but I was young and relatively inexperienced and the notion never crossed my mind. I hope neither of those drivers hurt anyone, or themselves.

Both of those incidents showed me how dangerous it is to get behind the wheel at any time. Vehicles aren't toys, and they should be handled with the utmost caution. Lives can be forever changed in the blink of an eye thanks to a single person's poor judgement or inattention.

The Chump

2011-12-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

Once a year, it's my job to lead the creation of an Official Opposition video to entertain guests at the Alberta Legislature's annual press gallery Christmas party. Each caucus - as well as the press gallery itself - brings a short, ideally funny, self-deprecating video that summarizes the year in provincial politics. It's a task I anticipate with a mix of delight and aversion; it's a fun job, but also a stressful one simply because it's a busy time of year.

I cannot, of course, divulge the plot of this year's Alberta Liberal video, but the picture above provides a clue to its general theme. It's certainly the most ambitious of the videos I've worked on for caucus. On Thursday night, I'll find out if people think it's funny.

Gorilla Grind

2011-12-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, my friend Pete was trying to rid his house of some clutter. He was about to throw away this magnificent ape-head pencil sharpener, but asked me first if I wanted it. Of course I leapt at the chance to own a marvellous example of monkey kisch. When you push a pencil into the ape's mouth, its eyes flash and the sharpener emits a horrifying grinding noise. It's one of the most obnoxious office appliances I've ever seen, and I love it.

I shot this photo on my iPhone with the Instagram app. Interested parties can follow me at username EarlJWoods.

Earl in V-egg-reville

2011-12-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

Earl and the world's largest pysanka. Photo by Sean Woods.

Almost four years ago, I realized a lifelong dream by participating directly in the democratic process, serving as the Alberta Liberal candidate for Fort Saskatchewan-Vegreville. I placed a distant second, but the experience was well worth it: I met hundreds of very nice people, I lost about fifteen pounds door-knocking, and I learned about the people, geography, industries and issues of east-central Alberta. And I finally laid eyes upon the famous Vegreville pysanka, the world's largest.

The Thrill of Victory, the Agony of Wii-feat

2011-12-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

Click to embiggen to enjoy the drama!

Uncle Arnold

2011-12-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

Today I learned from my Uncle Gordon that my Uncle Arnold Jones died last night. Uncle Arnold, seen here speaking at my wedding to Sylvia, had a great sense of humour; he was always cracking dirty jokes. Uncle Arnold and Aunt Marjorie lived in Devon, Alberta, for most of the years that my family lived in Leduc, and during the 80s we visited regularly; Arnold and Marjorie's youngest son, my cousin Darwin, is my age, and we spent many weekends playing video games on the Atari 800 or playing with Uncle Arnold's elaborate train set:

Uncle Arnold worked in Alberta's oil and gas industry for many years until he and Aunt Marjorie moved down to Mesa, Arizona as snowbirds. My cousins are heading down there now to support Aunt Marjorie.

It's been a couple of years since I last saw Uncle Arnold, and I'm sorry that I didn't see him one more time before his passing. But I'm grateful that he and my other uncles and aunts made it to our wedding, and I hope Uncle Arnold enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed having him there.

My condolences to Aunt Marjorie and their sons and daughter: Evan, Bruce, Darwin and Diane. Such a loss, but many happy memories.

Revolt of the Super-Chicks

2011-12-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

In late 1965, Supergirl and Wonder Woman starred in The Brave & the Bold #63 - "The Revolt of the Super-Chicks!", a love letter to conformity and traditional gender roles. The premise: lacking romance because she's seen as too intimidating for men, Supergirl abandons her role as a superheroine so she can focus on being what men want: something feminine, i.e., weak and frail. That's not subtext in this story, it's flat out text:

It seems laughable on the face of it that men wouldn't be attracted to an adorable blonde co-ed in a skintight leotard and miniskirt, but in the world of sixties comics, apparently Supergirl can't catch a break in the dating game. So she takes drastic measures...

Superman, playing the voice of masculine authoritarianism, tries to convince his cousin that she's making a bad decision. But she's a little too clever for Supes, with hilarious results:

"Why...uh...ulp...I - I'm very FOND of girls...I...uh.." Methinks thou dost protest too much, Superman.

Supergirl figures that Paris is the home of romance and the best place to get some action, and she's right - no sooner does she set foot in the City of Lights that she becomes a "glamorpuss playgirl," at least according to Wonder Woman, dispatched by Superman to talk sense into his cousin. But Supergirl is a bad influence, and soon enough Wonder Woman finds herself a suave French playmate as well...

...a chauvinist dimwit who thinks fighting crime is unfeminine. Tell that to the world's female police officers! And yet, Wonder Woman buys into her lover's point of view without question.

Meanwhile, some boulders conveniently fall out of nowhere to reinforce the sexist point. "If I stop them with my super-powers, I'll no longer seem feminine to him!" You know, if Sylvia could throw boulders, I'd still be attracted to her. Were men really this insecure in the sixties?

The rest of the story is cheerfully mundane; Supergirl and Wonder Woman team up to fight the forgettable Multi-Face and realize that they must continue to serve as superheroines, foregoing romance. It's as if the two endeavors are completely incompatible, yet super-heroes have no trouble fighting crime and having girlfriends. No double standard there!

Model on Bench

2011-11-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Sylvia on a park bench, summer 2007. Aside from chopping her right arm off, I quite like this photo. Feels fashion-like.

A Preview of Hell

2011-11-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

Sometime back in the summer of 1973, I bought The Brave and the Bold #108, Batman's long-running team-up comic. Sgt. Rock was this issue's guest star, in which writer Bob Haney and artist Jim Aparo spin an atmospheric, creepy tale of deals with the devil and an enduring, ultimate evil.

Always favouring dramatic impact over subtlety, Haney's story - "The Night Batman Sold His Soul!" - finds Batman and Sgt. Rock crossing paths chasing a cloaked figure whom Rock believes is none other than Hitler himself, having faked his own death at war's end, gathering his forces to begin another campaign of terror. Batman, meanwhile, is plagued by the same figure, who has laid claim to Batman's soul. (In an act of desperation that opens the story, Batman in a fit of outraged frustration carelessly says he'd give his soul to escape a trap to save a young boy.)

Eventually Batman, Rock and Easy Company track their quarry to an underground lair, shown above. The last panel left an enduring impression upon my young mind. What could be more chilling than a cave full of Nazis, with their leader - perhaps a still-living Hitler, perhaps Satan himself - lurking in the shadows, ready to wreak terror upon the world once more?

The story ends on an ambiguous note, with the Nazi lair destroyed by the villain - whether Hitler or devil - escaping in the mayhem, leaving Rock and Batman wondering who or what they were chasing. Spooky.

It's interesting to note that Batman and Sgt. Rock teamed up several times in the late sixties and early seventies, several times explicitly showing that Bruce Wayne fought alongside Rock during World War II. And yet while Rock appears to be in his sixties or seventies in the "present-day" portions of these comics, Wayne hasn't aged at all - he looks about 29 in the forties, and about 29 in the sixties/seventies. And yet Rock doesn't note that Wayne hasn't grown a day older despite the passage of decades...hmm. Maybe Wayne made a deal with the devil after all...

Crossing the Floor: Postscript

2011-11-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

Last week I shared my thoughts on Bridget Pastoor's floor-crossing from the Official Opposition to the government benches. Since then I've considered the issue a little more, and it occurs to me that there's another aspect of the whole affair that bothers me even more than the issues I outlined before: the question of playing fair.

After the last election, the collective opposition was reduced to just eleven MLAs: nine Alberta Liberals and two New Democrats. Since then resignations, by-elections and floor-crossings have changed the balance of power slightly; there are now eight Liberals, two New Democrats, four Wildrose Alliance members and one Alberta Party member. That still leaves the government with a huge numerical advantage; they could lose twenty seats and still hold on to their majority.

And yet despite this huge advantage (earned, in our first-past-the-post system, by securing barely more than fifty percent of the vote in the last election), the government still feels it necessary to woo opposition MLAs to their side.

This strikes me as dirty pool. The government doesn't need Bridget Pastoor to carry out its business, yet they cajoled her into crossing the floor anyway, for no other purpose than political gain and to hurt the opposition. It makes you wonder how far they'd go to destroy their political enemies.

Each MLA a caucus loses costs that caucus tens of thousands of dollars in funding - funding that's used to represent Albertans, to hold the ruling party accountable. A tiny opposition can do little to challenge the government if they don't have enough money to do their job.

The Progressive Conservative government clearly considers the Liberals enough of a threat that they feel like they have to use every trick in the book to keep the Official Opposition down. It's like they can't stand the idea of losing, that they'll do anything it takes to stay in power.

From one point of view, I suppose that's understandable. No one likes to lose. Losing means you and your friends lose your job and you have to go and find something else to do. It also means that maybe the province won't be run exactly the way you wanted for a few years.

But is that really the worst thing in the world? Are the Tories so afraid of losing that they don't see the benefits of changing governments every once in a while? Are they that selfish? Do they really find other political points of view so repellent that they recoil in horror at the thought of someone else taking power for a measly four years? Heck, I can't stand Stephen Harper but I don't think the federal Liberals were entitled to stay in power forever, either. If we're lucky, change will bring renewal eventually.

No one likes to lose, but if I were working for government I think I'd have enough humility and enough of a sense of fairness to say, "Hey. Let's play fair. We're strong enough to win without resorting to petty tricks. We have the best ideas, we're the best managers. We're not afraid of the opposition. And if the voters kick us out, well, we'll be back in four years stronger than ever."

Wouldn't the province - the country - be healthier if we acknowledged that winning all the time doesn't exactly build character? Sometimes we need to lose. Sometimes losing leads to greater wisdom and compassion. Losing builds empathy and helps us identify our weaknesses.

When a party becomes so afraid of losing that they're willing to play dirty, maybe it's time to get out of the game - so that the game itself can continue to prosper.

Popcorn Waterfall

2011-11-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

I've always been fascinated by the photographic effects made possible by long exposure times. While this image I shot in 2007 is no masterpiece, I think it turned out pretty well for having been shot with a cheap point-and-shoot Pentax.

Daft in the Rafters

2011-11-26T16:33:00.000-07:00

Many years ago Mom and Dad renovated our house's basement, but they never got around to finishing the ceiling. As a result, the rafters were exposed, as seen above in a dramatic recreation of Sean's unfortunate experimentation with those rafters.

One day, Sean decided that rather than descending the stairs normally, he would swing dramatically from the rafters, Errol Flynn style, landing catlike upon his feet. Unfortunately the rafter snapped under his weight, sending him plummeting spine-first on the rock-hard edge of the stairs, his feet landing squarely in the kitty litter*. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and suppressed laughter from his slapstick-loving older brother.

*Sean's feet did not actually land in the kitty litter; he just missed. But it makes a better story if his feet land in the kitty litter, so that's the way it happened in the deluded corners of my mind.

Edith and James in the Rain

2011-11-25T18:45:00.001-07:00

Over at JSVB, my friend Jeff has a tradition he calls "Ungood Art Day." Here is some ungood photography I shot back in 2006. I wanted to evoke the tragedy of the doomed love between James Kirk and Edith Keeler by placing their action figures in the rain. But my mini-studio consisted of the kitchen sink, and so instead of the sublime we get the ridiculous. It almost looks as though a prankster has dropped a water balloon on Edith's head, which might have injected a brief comic touch to an otherwise gloomy episode. I suppose Harlan wouldn't have approved, though.

The Thrill of Collaboration

2011-11-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

The first time a visual artist interpreted my written work occurred way back in high school, when Russell Wiesener illustrated the "Sever Heroes," superheroes I created based on our garage band personas. A few years later, Mike Gushue drew the "Earl's Amazing Mad Science Adventures" comic strip, which I scripted.

In each case I was delighted and fascinated by how other creative minds interpreted my words. Each artist seemed to have a near-telepathic ability to capture the visions I'd imagined while adding their own distinctive stamp to the work, little details that turned my poor prose into something greater.

That's never been more true than of my friend Jeff Shyluk, who over the years has illustrated, using a variety of techniques, several of my comic strips, short stories and random ideas. His latest is called Woods Hole, based on the short story I submitted to CBC's Canada Writes competition. Jeff's vision doesn't exactly match my own, but that's not the point - I think he's improved on it with shadings and textures and, again, significant details that inform and reinterpret my original intent. I think it's marvellous, and I'm very moved that Jeff chose to do this. Frankly, I'm more excited by this than I would be if I had won the contest! I hope my readers will check it out at Jeff Shyluk's Visual Blog.

Batter Up

2011-11-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

Conan, what is best in life?

To conquer your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to lick the chocolate chip cookie batter off the spoon.

This look in Sylvia's eyes occurs often when I'm photographing her.

When Branding Goes Too Far

2011-11-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

A "Hostess Cup Cakes Scented Candle" spotted at an Edmonton dollar store in late 2006. I kid you not.

Crossing the Floor

2011-11-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today Lethbridge-East MLA Bridget Pastoor crossed the floor, leaving the Official Opposition Liberals to join the Progressive Conservative government. Many Albertans are crying foul, arguing that as a matter of principle elected politicians who switch sides should step down so that a by-election can be called, or that the offending politician should at least sit as an independent. These folks argue that the people who live in the constituency elected a Liberal (or a Tory, or whoever), and that they should have a chance to vote on whether or not they approve of their elected representative's new choice of parties.

I can sympathize with that view, but floor-crossing is a longstanding tradition in the Westminster parliamentary system that allows elected officials a way to express immediate support or opposition to a particular party agenda. Ideally such a drastic move should be used only on urgent matters of principle, but of course floor-crossing is often opportunistic. In any event, constituents will have their opportunity to express their approval or disapproval come the next election. No system is perfect; that's democracy.

Personally, however, I'm disappointed in Bridget's choice. I don't believe you can change this particular 40-year-old government from within, as Bridget hopes; after so many years in power, the culture of entitlement is simply too entrenched. After 40 years, Alberta needs a new government, and I'd be saying that even if it were the Alberta Liberals who'd been in power so long. Every so often, the people need to clean house in a democracy, give new people and new ideas a try.

That being said, Bridget is a good person; I've worked with her for almost six years, writing speeches and articles and statements in her voice. (Heck, I spent several hours writing a major keynote speech for her just a few days ago, and don't think I didn't feel a moment of annoyance about that when I heard the news this morning.) I know she cares about seniors and disabled Albertans, and that she'll continue to do her best to represent the people of Lethbridge-East.

But I also hope that the voters of Lethbridge-East will recognize the need for a change in government and elect a new Alberta Liberal in Bridget's stead.

Everything Looks Worse in Black and White?

2011-11-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

The composition of this photo is a little wonky, but I really like the shading and texture. This was shot on black and white film, with my mom and dad's old Canon T70, which still takes really great photos when I have a lucky accident. You can shoot black and white with digital, or simply by desaturating your images in Photoshop. But I still prefer the look and feel of black and white film. Digital black and white still leaves me cold, though I'm sure that in the future I won't be able to tell the difference. Heck, it's possible that I've already been fooled.

Why shoot a Captain Kirk action figure, a box of tissue and a framed engagement photo? I'm pretty sure I was just trying to finish off the roll.

Movember Reign

2011-11-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

Or, "Movember Rain of Whiskers." Sometimes it's hard to choose a good title...

Sean's mustache continues to crawl steadily downward across his upper lip in the Movember march against prostate cancer. He's raised $700 so far! He's starting to look like the star of a '70's cop show. Visit Sean's donation page here!

The Legend of the Santos

2011-11-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

Today the Official Opposition bids farewell to John Santos, a political firebrand who served the Alberta Liberal Caucus in two roles: first as former leader David Swann's Executive Assistant, then as our Media Liaison. It was a real pleasure to see John excel in both roles; he has bundles of energy, enthusiasm and political horse sense, and during his entire tenure John gave nothing less than 110% to the organization.

I'll miss working with John - he's a man of ideals who understands the importance of promoting and, more importantly, living small-l liberal values. A scholar, athlete, audiophile, mountain climber and all-around good guy, I look forward to seeing what challenges John conquers next. And I'll continue to follow his blog, Santos Sez.

See you in the funny papers, John - I've enjoyed working with you.

Review: 11/22/63

2011-11-17T17:00:00.075-07:00

This review contains SPOILERS for Stephen King's latest novel, 11/22/63. Read no further if you have yet to read, or have interest in reading, this book.

Stephen King's latest novel, 11/22/63, is a suspenseful, melancholy fable that uses time travel to explore not merely a bygone era, but the evolution of culture, the ephemeral nature of love and happiness, and the struggles of those who live on the fringes of society. It's the most satisfying novel King has written in years.

The story's hook is simple: Jake Epping, a thirty-five year old high school teacher from Maine, is told by his friend Al that Al's diner contains a time portal to 1958. For years, Al has been using the time portal to buy fresh hamburger for his restaurant, earning huge profits with each burger sold (meat was much cheaper in the '50s). But Al begins to think that perhaps the portal could be used for a more noble purpose: to prevent the assassination of President Kennedy. Unfortunately, Al comes down with lung cancer before he can complete the task, and asks Jake to continue the mission. Rocked by a recent divorce and compelled by the possibilities, Jake agrees.

Every writer approaches the rules of time travel differently. In this case, those rules are simple: stepping through the portal from 2011 to 1958 will always bring you to the exact time and place in 1958, not a second sooner or later. When you step through the portal in the opposite direction, from 1958 to 2011, only two minutes will have passed in 2011, no matter how much time you've spent in the past - whether it's five minutes or five years. In other words, if you need to do something in 1961 or '62 and you mess up, you can't just travel back to that point - you have to start all over again in 1958, growing older by living in the past while time crawls in 2011.

Despite these limitations and risks, Jake makes the leap into the past and explores the possibilities of time travel by righting a couple of local Maine wrongs: he saves a girl from being accidentally paralyzed and prevents an act of brutal domestic violence in Derry, a fictional Maine town King fans will remember from It and other King novels and stories. King tosses in a few easter eggs for said fans, including a short scene featuring a pair of important characters from It along with other surprises. King takes his time in getting to the actual assassination plot; Jake spends years in the past, setting up a new identity, building a new life for himself, investigating Lee Harvey Oswald's movements and connections (he wants to be absolutely sure Oswald was the only shooter) and even finding romance.

King's depiction of the late 50s and early 60s is rich, vividly painted and well-researched, nostalgic while recognizing the less appealing elements of that era, chiefly poverty and racism. Jake marvels at the rich flavour and texture of the era's food, enjoys the fresh air and lack of paperwork while suppressing his 21st century disgust at the prudishness, sexism and racism of the era. Jake finds a teaching gig in a Dallas suburb, splitting his time between teaching, a budding romance with the school librarian and stalking Lee Harvey Oswald. But the past isn't eager to be changed, and Epping finds that the fabric of history itself isn't on his - or Kennedy's - side...

Generally speaking, this is the best King novel in years, with excellent characterization, a compelling story and, for once, a satisfying ending, one of King's weaknesses at novel length. I am a little disappointed that King, here writing a science fiction tale rather than a horror story, still manages to fall into one of the more troubling tropes of the horror genre - punishing female characters for having sex. While the act makes sense within the context of the novel, it remains vexing. While King is a liberal, he's used to writing in a fundamentally conservative genre (horror), so some of those tropes are bound to seep into his other work, I suppose. It's the one true black mark on an otherwise superlative effort.

11/22/63 ends with a riveting moral conundrum for Jake, one that will leave readers wondering which choice they would have made in the protagonist's circumstances. Here again, though, the conservatism of the horror genre makes its impact felt in this nominally science-fictional work; it turns out that altering the past has apocalyptic consequences. Readers hoping for an in-depth exploration of what the world might have been like had JFK escaped his fate will be disappointed; what King gives us is interesting, but not nearly as detailed as alternate history buffs would have preferred. That isn't the story King wanted to tell. Despite its title, this isn't really a story about Kennedy or politics or even time travel; it's a story about finding your place in the world, dealing with loss and seizing whatever happiness you can in a hard, cold world. And on those terms, 11/22/63 is immensely satisfying.

Four-Colour Banter

2011-11-16T18:31:00.000-07:00

Adventure Comics #446 is one of the oldest issues in my collection. Dated July-August 1976, I probably purchased it at the Leaf Rapids drug store a few months earlier, comic book cover dates always shifted somewhat into the future. Sadly, my copy's cover was ripped off many years ago.

In this scene, Aqualad, going undercover on a cruise ship to capture some diamond smugglers, is captured by a thug. As a six-or-seven year old I thought Aqualad's cool witticism was hilarious, but these days I find the goon's reply even funnier - perhaps because his dialogue's cadence matches Aqualad's quite nicely. Gun in the ear, bullet in the brain; there's a pleasing rhythm to it, and I think the thug deserves credit. And I love his sneer.

A few pages later Aquaman arrives to save his sidekick, tossing in a pop-culture reference that's already seeming dated, just a few years after Cousteau's death. One wonders how Cousteau's work may have differed in the DC universe, seeing as he would have had to contend with Aquaman, his underwater nation of Atlantis, the reality of telepathic contact between Atlantean humans and undersea creatures, super-villains like Black Manta (above), the Fisherman, King Shark, etc. One presumes Cousteau and Aquaman would have inevitably met at some point, but alas, it either never happened or I never stumbled across that particular story.

Into the Vortex

2011-11-15T17:34:00.000-07:00

Inspired by yesterday's happy accident with the radial blur tool, this time I experimented a little more in a primitive attempt at visual storytelling. Using two different radial blurs and the glowing edges setting, I turned this unflattering portrait into a snapshot from an imaginary movie or TV show, as fictional Earl is sucked into a time-space vortex. I particularly like how the hand turned out - it gives the piece a real sense of motion.

Cushion Blur

2011-11-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, I shot this photo of an old sofa cushion being tossed into the Leduc landfill. I wanted to jazz the photo up a little and make some kind of pithy statement about pollution, but instead I accidentally created this interesting effect with the radial blur tool. I think it looks kinda neat.

Critical Hit

2011-11-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

On the mean streets of Edmonton, one can never be too careful. In this file photo from 2006, Sean Woods wields a velvet bag full of polyhedral dice to fend off potential aggressors.

Come to think of it, if you were playing a role-playing game set in the modern world, you could, in a pinch and under the right circumstances, find yourself in a situation in which the handiest weapon happens to be a bagful of polyhedral dice. (You might, for example, be playing spies who have infiltrated a Dungeons & Dragons gaming group, only to have the group attacked by home invaders. There would be plenty of dice at hand.)

I would love to ask my game master "How much damage will I do if I hit the home invader with a bag of dice?"

Probably 1d3 at most. Oh well.

Pop Culture Diorama

2011-11-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

I don't do much decorating, but while sprucing up the theatre room I was inspired and crafted this display of pop culture ephemera. In the background are lobby cards for The Road Warrior, The Searchers, Enter the Dragon, How the West Was Won and The Wild Bunch, along with a pair of red-blue/green 3D glasses. Clockwise from the top the display includes a green toy soldier, a miniature replica of the Daily Planet building, Superman's cape, Tarzan's spear, Tarzan's chimp, Cheetah, holding Captain Kirk's phaser rifle (seen in only the second Star Trek pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone Before"), poker chips from Fallout: New Vegas, Green Arrow's infamous handcuff arrow, Hawkman's mask resting upon J. Jonah Jameson's chair, Green Lantern's power battery, a tan toy soldier, and one of the USS Enterprise's shuttlecraft, specifically Shuttle 7, the Galileo.

Raj on Remembrance Day

2011-11-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today Official Opposition Leader Raj Sherman released a statement to honour Canadian veterans:

On this day, we bow our heads in silent gratitude for the sacrifices of our veterans. Since Confederation, thousands of Canadians have given their lives or suffered crippling physical and mental wounds to defend our great nation and its freedoms.

In the World Wars, Korea, Afghanistan and in peacekeeping missions around the globe, our veterans have served with great valour, laying down their lives to build a better, freer, more peaceful world. They have defeated tyrants, saved the helpless, and served as our greatest ambassadors to the peoples of the world.

No words or gestures can ever fully capture the magnitude of our debt to our veterans and the men and women currently serving in the armed forces. On behalf of the Official Opposition, it is with the deepest humility and respect that I offer our thanks to Canadian veterans and their families.

We will never forget.

Billions and Billions of Kudos for Dr. Carl Sagan

2011-11-10T16:43:00.005-07:00

Yesterday would have been Carl Sagan's 77th birthday. My first exposure to Sagan came, as it did for so many others, through his PBS television series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage. The show mesmerized me from its opening seconds, with its majestic opening music and journey through the stars to Sagan himself, defining the universe thusly: "The cosmos is all that is, or ever was, or ever will be..."

In thirteen hour-long episodes, Sagan explained our current scientific understanding of the cosmos, covering astronomy, biology, chemistry, geology and how all these elements impact human history and culture. I devoured both the series and Sagan's companion book, Cosmos, ravenously. Sagan wrote and educated with sublime beauty and passion, inviting viewers and readers to explore the wonders of the cosmos in a manner that was inviting, warm, logical, scientific, even reverent, but never condescending or opaque. I bought the Cosmos DVD set back when it was an expensive limited-edition set available only online, and I have no regrets about paying a premium for the show. Important works deserve our support.

After Cosmos I scooped up The Dragons of Eden and Broca's Brain and eagerly awaited each of Sagan's books in the years to come. My favourite, alongside Cosmos, remains The Demon-Haunted World, one of the best books ever written on the importance of critical thought.

Back in the 90s I wrote book reviews for Singapore's The Peak magazine. Here's an excerpt from one of those reviews, covering Sagan's last book, Billions and Billions. The review's final line remains a pretty good summary of my feelings for Dr. Sagan and his work.

...Finally, on a somewhat somber note, we come to the late Dr. Carl Sagan's final work, Billions and Billions. The book's subtitle is sadly prophetic - "Thoughts on Life and Death at the Brink of the Millennium". Dr. Sagan, whose contributions to the space program and to science education in general are almost incalculable, died last year of a rare blood disease. Billions and Billions is a worthy capstone to a brilliant career.

As in his previous books, Sagan attempts to lift the dark clouds of superstition and ignorance that continue to hinder humanity's progress towards achieving greatness as a species. Sagan takes a level-headed, rational view towards contentious subjects like abortion, the environment, and nuclear arms proliferation in this book without preaching or seeming arrogant. Especially interesting is the chapter detailing his efforts to unite scientists and religious leaders under one popular front devoted to expressing concern over the damage that we are doing to our precious environment. That such diverse and often conflicting groups can be united to advance a common cause is reason for hope in what often seems a hopeless world. The entire book is laced with cautious optimism, even in its closing pages, as Sagan describes his battle with the blood disorder that eventually killed him. For this, the gift of hope, rather than mourning his passing, we should celebrate the fact that such individuals exist all around us, fighting the tyranny of despair and giving us reasons to hope, to dream, to live. This was Sagan's legacy.

Half-Baked Ham

2011-11-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

While finding material for the last couple of posts, I stumbled across this embarrassing gem of a photo from my grade ten yearbook. Kids are supposed to look cool in high school yearbooks, a feat that always eluded me, sadly. I was sure fond of that jacket, though; I had it for years.

The Lesson

2011-11-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

Earl J. Woods, Jeff Crozier and Jonathan Wright sell school newspapers in 1987.

Before blogs, before even BBSes (barely), there were the high school newspapers. From 1985 to 1987, I contributed to The Forum, the newspaper of Leduc Composite High School; I served as the paper's editor during grades eleven and twelve. As noted in one of the yearbook write-ups below, the 80s were a time of rapid transition in publishing, though nowadays even that rapid change seems glacial in comparison to today's evolving industry.

In 1985, Leduc Senior High School was undergoing a significant renovation on its way to becoming Leduc Composite High School. Because our gymnasium wasn't finished, we held our Valentine's Day dance at the nearby junior high. The dance got a little out of control, with copious alcohol consumption and a couple of fights; the evening came to a close when someone lit a set of curtains on fire, which one intrepid student put out by pouring soda over the flames.

In response, I wrote a self-righteous editorial for the paper's next issue, calling the perpetrators punks, hooligans, etc. I was in high dudgeon, and I painted my fellow classmates with a very, very broad brush. A couple of my fellow students said "You can't write this!" but our supervisor, nodding sagely, said that we should go ahead and print it. At first I thought she agreed with my moralistic position, but as soon as the issue was printed posters and effigies flew up on the school walls, replete with pithy slogans such as "Earl Woods Sucks." I was stunned as only a self-righteous crusader could be. Kirby Fox, one of the school's biggest students, grabbed me by the lapels, lifted me over his head and slammed me into the lockers - not hard enough to hurt me, but hard enough to make his point: he wasn't happy. A few students and teachers supported my editorial, but most of my classmates were pretty annoyed with me.

And they were right. In the days that followed, I got to know a whole bunch of other kids much better, as they took pains to explain why my article was so off-base and, frankly, prejudiced. I felt shame, and I realized why our supervisor had allowed the editorial to go ahead: not to teach other students a lesson, but to teach me the value of prudence, fairness and journalistic integrity. After that incident, I learned to look at all sides of the issues.

Here are the yearbook write-ups I provided in 1986 and 1987. Click to embiggen!

Todd on Vocals

2011-11-07T20:26:00.001-07:00

I didn't know Todd Chrunik very well at all; in fact, even now I know him chiefly as "the guy who replaced me as lead singer." But I do remember being a little intimidated by Todd's charisma and talent. The guys made the right choice; Todd had the look, the range and the power to belt out heavy metal lyrics. I only met Todd a few times, and I don't remember hanging out with him, but I do remember that he never failed to be kind and friendly to me on the few occasions we interacted. Todd was a cool guy. I have no idea what happened to him after high school, but I hope he found success and happiness.

By this point the band had changed their name to Kashmir, and it was under that name that they won the Edmonton-area Battle of the Bands in...oh, 1986 or 1987. Like many high school bands, Kashmir dissolved after high school, but for five or six years I was lucky enough to dip my toe into the waters of music.

Yesterday an anonymous commenter asked me to explain the point of posting these memories. If there's any point at all, it's this: many of my memories are pleasant, many are not, especially those formed from experiences in my teens and twenties. But the memories are mine, and I treasure them, and writing about them makes the memories clearer. And should any of my old high school friends stumble upon this blog, I want them to know they were valued, I admired them, and I feel privileged to have known them. There are no insignificant people; there are no insignificant stories. The music of my memories may be ephemeral, but I plan to keep the songs alive as long as I can.

Mark on Lead Guitar

2011-11-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

Mark Lede played lead guitar for Sever, Leduc Composite High School's premier heavy metal garage band. While Keith Gylander and I lived in Leduc proper, Bev, Russell and Mark all lived on farms just outside town; they were the bus kids in our little group, though later on they all started driving their own vehicles to school. Mark and I - and Bev, for that matter - were all in the so-called "gifted" program in junior high. During a roleplaying exercise in which each of us had control of a nation, Mark noted that his country and Bev's neighbouring nation shared a river.

"Aha," Mark said, "Give in to my demands or I'll poison your water supply."

Our teacher pointed at the map and noted that Mark's country was downstream from Bev's; Mark's plan would have poisoned his own people. "Rivers don't run that way, Mark," was our teacher's wry comment.

If I remember correctly, Mark was also the group's chief songwriter, penning "Altered Logic." I still remember most of the words:

Ministries of truth
Ministries of love
Ministries of peace
Without a dove!

There is no turning back
Nowhere to hide the fact
Truth reveals to me
Altered logic!

There is no privacy no freedom no love...

Well, some of the words, anyway. I haven't seen Mark since the early 90s; sometime in the mid-90s, I spotted a newspaper clipping noting that he'd married and was pursuing a post-graduate degree in philosophy at, I think, McMaster University.

Keith on Rhythm Guitar

2011-11-05T13:07:00.000-06:00

Keith Gylander was my next door neighbour in Leduc; he was an outgoing, athletic kid, not really that much like me but we did spend a lot of time together bike riding, tossing around footballs or frisbees or playing with action figures. In fact, one day Keith and I were whipping a frisbee at each other with all our strength when Sean ran between us. Keith's powerful toss slung the frisbee right into Sean's head at exactly the wrong moment, knocking Sean over and splitting the frisbee in half. Poor Sean was okay in the end, but he developed a pretty colourful bruise.

I've told this story before, but shortly before the release of The Empire Strikes Back he and I were playing with our Star Wars action figures. At a dramatic moment on confrontation between Luke, Leia and Darth Vader, I had Darth Vader intone solemnly..."Luke...I AM YOUR FATHER." It blew our minds when, just a few months later, that line was repeated nearly verbatim in the film. (I failed to predict the relationship between Luke and Leia, though.)

Keith played rhythm guitar in Sever, and as an adult he went on to serve at least two terms as one of Beaumont's town councillors. I last saw Keith at his father's funeral a couple of years back, and it's remarkable how little he's changed; I mean that in the most complimentary way.

Russell on Drums

2011-11-04T18:30:00.000-06:00

Since I featured Sever's bass player Bev yesterday, I thought I may as well profile all of the band members. Here's Russell Wiesener, our drummer, who replaced original drummer Jason Hewitt when Jason moved away from Leduc. Come to think of it, during the Hewitt era the band was known as Sabotage. So I guess it's kind of a Pete Best/Ringo Starr/Quarrymen/Beatles thing.

Russell was a soft-spoken guy; his mom was one of the secretaries at Leduc Junior High School. I probably met Russell in grade 7 or 8; he wound up dating the vice-principal's daughter, Michelle, for a while. Grade school romance! How fraught with angst and import we were.

Russell was a gifted cartoonist, and he even drew the band members as superheroes at one point. I used to have a small collection of Russell's drawings, but I made the mistake of posting them on my dorm room door in university; they were defaced, and I threw them away. It's too bad - had I saved them and scanned them, I could have repaired the damage with Photoshop. I was particularly fond of the drawing of a giant fist squeezing me to death, with a word bubble screaming "I'LL CRUSH YOU EARL you rotten guy"

I last heard of Russell in the early 90s; I spotted a newspaper clipping indicating that he'd earned a degree, I believe, from the University of Alberta. Belated congratulations, Russell!

Bev on Bass

2011-11-03T20:36:00.001-06:00

A couple of years I found out that my old friend from high school, Bev McAmmond, reads this blog from time to time. It seems sort of unfair that I've never written anything about Bev, so here he is, thrashing on bass guitar back in January 1985. Bev was the bassist for Sever, Leduc Composite High School's heavy metal band. For a brief time I sang, but only because no one else was willing; I was replaced in...oh, late grade 11, perhaps. I took it a little hard at the time, but the choice was justified, and the boys went on to win the big Battle of the Bands in Edmonton not long after. I still have about a dozen cassette recordings of our practise sessions; someday I'll digitize them.

One day, walking home from school, Bev called my name and I turned to look at him. He spat a wad of bubble gum right at my face, which mercifully bounced off my front teeth instead of landing in my mouth. I was pretty annoyed at the time, but I have to admit that I find it funny now. Boys have an odd sense of humour.

Last I heard, Bev was a successful lawyer. I hope he's still doing well, and Bev, if you're reading this, I hope you get to wail on the bass from time to time too. The way I remember it, you were pretty good.

Babyface Woods

2011-11-02T19:12:00.000-06:00

To raise funds to combat prostate cancer, Sean is participating in Movember. The idea is to shave your facial hair and grow it out through the month of November, raising funds all the while. Sean has shaved his trademark goatee; you can see how he looks without it, above. You can help Sean grow his beard back, and help fight for men's health, by visiting his donation page here.

Canada Writes Update

2011-11-01T20:04:00.000-06:00

I've finished and submitted my Canada Writes contest entry. My short story is just a couple words short of the maximum length, down from an original count of 2,000. Editing is important!

I surprised myself by ultimately using none of my original ideas, outlined here. In the end I didn't think I could do any of them justice this time around; they need more time and care than I allowed myself.

I'm not terribly pleased with the story I did manage to finish. Oh, it has a beginning, middle and end, and there are a couple of nice sentences, but I'm not happy with the climax, or the characterization, or the dialogue. I'm pleased that I did manage to accidentally weave in a theme.

Writing short stories is a discipline like any other, and the truth is I simply haven't written enough stories to be good at it yet. But I'm exceedingly grateful to Neil Mackie for challenging me to do this. I'll never be a fiction writer unless I work for it, and Neil has forced me to complete a story. At 42, I think this'll be the sixth of seventh I've managed to complete. I'm not going to win the contest, but thanks to Neil I feel like I've accomplished something more important: I've paid a small fraction of my dues.

I can't post the story here without disqualifying myself, but I'll do so once the contest is over. Unless, of course, I win, in which case I'd need to ask CBC for permission to do so. I'm not counting on it.

Halloween Fright Frame: Attack of the Sadistic Stapler

2011-10-31T20:22:00.000-06:00

To celebrate Halloween, here's a Halloween Fright Frame! Will Earl survive the attack of a demon-possessed stapler? Have no fear, Stephen King is not here - that's just ketchup on my finger. As for why this photo exists in the first place, well...that's just another Halloween mystery.

Drive Angry

2011-10-30T15:51:00.000-06:00

Every Halloween, I cajole Sylvia into watching a horror movie with me. She's scared of horror movies, so I try to pick something mild; for example, Shaun of the Dead rather than The Descent. This year we chose Drive Angry because of its intriguing premise: a man escapes from hell in order to rescue his granddaughter from a cult. The trailer promised lighthearted action and over-the-top violence, so I figured it might provide some harmless fun.

Unfortunately, while there are ample car chases and gunfights, the direction, editing and choreography and dialogue are so crass and artless that what fun there might have been is drained away by the film's utterly pedestrian nature. Protagonist Milton (Nicolas Cage) gets into a gun battle while having sex with a waitress in a seedy hotel room, a scene that's played for laughs but falls completely flat; the only emotion I felt was sorrow for the actors. Cage dispatches the cult-member hillbillies one by one as the woman he's having intercourse with screams in horror. I'm not above a little tasteless humour - in fact, I revel in it - but this was just sad. If you're going to shoot a scene like this, you need to do it with some self-awareness of its tastelessness. Instead, it just comes off as cheap and exploitative.

The film's only bright spot is the always reliable character actor William Fichtner, who plays the Accountant, a sort of super-powered bounty hunter from hell whose job is to bring Cage's character back to Satan's realm. Even though he's playing a demon, Fichtner manages to imbue his character with competence and empathy; in a strange way, he becomes the only hero of the film. Even Amber Heard as Piper, Cage's sidekick, loses any connection she has with the audience by failing to display any remorse for killing (admittedly, in self-defence) two innocent police officers.

The film climaxes with a by-the-numbers gun battle between Cage, Piper and a couple of dozen anonymous cult members and their charisma-challenged leader. One-liners and bullets are exchanged, Milton rescues his granddaughter, and the Accountant takes Milton back to hell, his mission accomplished.

It's really a shame that the film falls so flat, because there are a couple of intriguing ideas buried in the mayhem. One is that Milton deserves to be in hell, and he recognizes that fact, yet remains committed to escape. The other, mentioned in dialogue by the Accountant, is that Satan is really nothing more than a glorified prison warden, a well-read and sophisticated fellow who takes great offense when infants are sacrificed on his behalf. In the film, hell is a very necessary evil, one constructed to keep Earth safe.

A braver film would have taken this concept further. Imagine a film that made Satan and his Accountant its leads, rather than supporting players, tracking down escapees from hell wreaking havoc on Earth. They could work with or against the earthly police, depending on the cops' level of corruption. Perhaps an angel or two could descend from heaven to chastise Satan and his Accountant for wreaking too much havoc, to which the minions of hell could rebuke the angels for never taking an interest at all in earthly affairs.

Drive Angry never rises to this level of ambition - nor does it show any ambition at all, really. It's a by-the-numbers horror-action film, boring one moment, repellent the next.

85 Billion Stories

2011-10-29T12:50:00.000-06:00

Barring a global catastrophe, the world's human population will soon hit seven billion. According to this BBC application, when I was born the population was about half what it is now. That's a staggering amount of growth for my short 42-year lifespan, but what really puts the scale of human existence in perspective for me is the news that I'm merely the 78 billionth (rounding up) person to have lived since history began*.

For fun, I tried pretending that I'd been born in the year zero just to see what numbers that would produce, but unfortunately the earliest birth year you can choose is 1910, which would make you about the 1.7 billionth person alive on Earth at the time and the 72nd billionth to have ever lived. Children being born in the next few days will live at the tail end of over 83 billion souls.

Now think of how many people are remembered these days, out of 83 billion - all the generals, poets, painters, scientists, politicians, inventors, murderers, saints, athletes, singers, writers, philosophers, kings and queens. How many historical figures are remembered today, collectively? Ten thousand? Twenty thousand? Even if we remember a million of our ancestors, that represents a tiny, tiny fraction of everyone who's ever existed. Not long from now, there will have been 85 billion of us. 85 billion human stories! Imagine if we could somehow reach back in time and rediscover just a few of the billions of stories that have been lost in the mists of deep time. How much wisdom have we lost? How much art? How many scientific breakthroughs?

Some might pessimistically argue that the vast majority of these 85 billion stories were (or will be, for those extant today) short, brutal and unremarkable. But even if that were true (and I would argue that every person's story has inherent interest), even if 84 out of 85 billion stories weren't worth knowing - that still leaves nearly a billion new tales to add to the human canon! How I would love to read an eyewitness account of the construction of the Colossus, for example, or the story of a common labourer in ancient Mesopotamia, or an account of the humans who crossed the Bering land bridge from Asia to North America.

Unless we invent some kind of time travel technology, most of those stories will remain lost. How bottomless is the pool of our collective ignorance!

*The BBC explains its methodology thusly:
Both numbers have been calculated using UN Population Division figures. The first is an estimate of how many people were alive on your date of birth. It is one possible value based on global population figures and estimates of growth rates over time. Data before 1950 is less accurate than figures after that date. The second number includes calculations based on the methodology of scholar Carl Haub, who estimated how many people had been alive since 50,000 B.C. His calculation has been amended by the UN to include additional points in time.

Meeting in Sector 2814

2011-10-28T19:51:00.001-06:00

The last time my friend Colin came out to visit, we both showed up, unplanned, wearing Green Lantern t-shirts. It should come as no surprise that we've both scored quite high on various online geek quizzes. Colin, by the way, is a prolific writer of role playing games, and has just completed a significant revision of the hard-SF Traveller 2300 RPG, on sale now!

Happy Birthday, Sylvia!

2011-10-27T20:25:00.000-06:00

Sylvia is the best part of my day every day. Today she celebrates another revolution around the sun, though she still looks like a little college woman to me.

Spill Life

2011-10-26T18:01:00.000-06:00

When Sylvia and I moved in together back in 2004, over a dozen of our friends generously pitched in to help. During any move accidents are almost inevitable, and I managed to capture this one on film mere seconds after the accident.

The Uncommon Cold

2011-10-25T17:30:00.004-06:00

According to the Canadian Lung Association, "The common cold is probably the most common respiratory (breathing) disease. Many different viruses can cause a cold; over a hundred cold viruses (rhinoviruses) have been identified so far."

Cold symptoms are very distracting and may impact work and leisure activities alike.

Blazing Strings

2011-10-24T17:10:00.000-06:00

It's Day Six of my cold and the only thing I can think coherently enough to post about is the realization that I love, love love the combination of string instruments such as the cello and violin with powerful electric guitars. I've been listening to Henry Jackman's rousing score for X-Men: First Class; there's a track called "X-Training" that exemplifies this kind of pulse-pounding, fast-paced, almost melodramatic music. Bear McCreary (Battlestar Galactica) does this sort of thing well, as does Ramin Djawdi on the Iron Man soundtrack.

I love this sort of music; it's powerful, bombastic, perhaps even a little macho. About ten years ago, while listening to an Internet radio station, I heard a electric guitar-based rendition of Jerry Goldsmith's main theme to Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and at the time I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever heard. Alas, there was no announcement of the cover artist, and I've searched in vain for the track in the intervening years. Sometimes it feels like a figment of my imagination.

So, strings and guitars. Soundtrack composers, more of that, please - I can't get enough. Oh, and throw some heavy percussion in there too.

Too Sick for Shatner

2011-10-23T11:06:00.000-06:00

Sean and I were supposed to go see William Shatner live at the Shaw Conference Centre tonight, but my head cold has gotten worse every day since Wednesday. With the beginning of the fall legislative session looming, I have no choice but to focus on recuperating.

Needless to say, I'm very disappointed. I don't really care about the wasted $110 (although, ouch), but I was looking forward to an outing with my brother and to seeing a pop culture icon in person. I'm not much for celebrity worship, but Shatner played Captain Kirk, for crying out loud. It would have been cool to hear him speak to a live audience.

Maybe I'll get another chance to see him in the future. In the meantime, Shatner's new music video will serve to express my angst.